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Reason Why I’m Single #68 – My Hair

November 1, 2010

As if the fact that I often find myself looking down at my outfit and realizing that at 21-years-old, I’m rocking head-to-toe Abercrombie and Fitch isn’t enough to make you realize just how single I am, my hair sure will. It’s outrageous, it’s loud and annoying and it laughs in the faces of the manes that actually respond to styling. 

I have long, unruly hair, hair that despite my outward and verbal frustration, I have some attachment too. I guess it’s because I spent the majority of my life with the same haircut, naturally straight and cut just above my shoulders. My sophomore year in high school after a bob gone horribly wrong, I decided to never cut my hair again. Okay well, not really but I sure as hell didn’t cut it for the rest of that year, even despite the cries of beauty experts everywhere telling me a trim would make my hair grow faster (such a strange concept by the way). So sophomore year, my hair ventures into the land of length past my shoulders and bam, overnight I all the sudden have wavy hair? It’s like my hair hit puberty or something.

I think that a lot of people think that the long hair is such an integral part of my image because as single girl you learn that guys really like girls with long hair so it’s safe to say that people often think that’s why I keep my mane. To this I laugh. Oh, I wish that was the reason. Here’s the thing about guys who like long hair, they usually like to run their fingers through it. Saying that my hair is not the kind of hair you can run your fingers through would be an understatement. It is not sexy and finger-friendly, it’s wavy and full of kinks with a halo of frizz and punishes those who try to run their fingers through it by trapping them Chinese finger trap style. No, I can assure you the reason I keep my hair around is way more pathetic.

So I decided to see where my hair was going with this newly found waviness and that’s where the tragic relationship between me and my hair started. My hair is now longer than I ever imagined it would be and for whatever reason, I can’t and won’t cut it off. It’s the bane of my existence, a simple wash and condition takes up the majority of my shower time, styling it is completely out of the question most days, it’s loves to humiliate me in the presence of even the slightest amount of humidity, and it harbors stray items including food, twigs and remnants of the bad choices I know I shouldn’t have made. The saddest part is that releasing all of this wasted energy and hatred on my hair is just a haircut away and yet, I refuse.

Ideally, sometime in the near future I want to cut it for Locks of Love as that was always my plan. My poor friends and family, hearing this excuse since my sophomore year of high school has probably come to believe that it will never happen. I’m putting it in writing, right here, right now. It will happen though I’m not sure when but I must be honest with all of you. With the release of “Whip My Hair” by my new idol and favorite pre-teen queen, Willow Smith, I’m sorry to say that the cut won’t happen for a while. While you may see this awful decision based on a song that briefly brought pop culture to its knees as exceedingly selfish, I actually agree. It is selfish and probably really awful, but then again it would also be truly awful to give someone the hair that caused so much trouble and embarrassment in my life.

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