Reason Why I’m Single #75 – Anthropologie
Ah yes, because nothing says French garage sale like walking into an Anthropologie store, the only place where I can pay $75 dollars for something I could make at Hobby Lobby for $5. Isn’t it fun walking out of the store knowing that your Indian mother would be so disheartened to know you paid over a hundred dollars for something that costs probably 50 cents to make in India? Sorry mom but I really did need an apron that’s so cute I want to wear it as a dress, but will probably never wear because I never cook.
What’s weird about Anthropologie is that it makes me want to live in the English countryside, in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, sipping tea out of my hand painted mugs, using a butter dish shaped like a cow, still corresponding through handwritten letters, living humbly with my oversized sheepdog, Nico. But how exactly does one live humbly in the countryside when one has paid $24 for each dainty teacup and $40 for the cow-shaped butter dish? Also, handwritten letters cost money whereas email is free and I don’t have to struggle as I try to remember how to craft a “b” in cursive.
Anthropologie does have this fabulous whimsy though, sort of like a grown up and upper east side Dr. Suess with a french mistress on the side. Because really, who needs a necklace with books on it that costs $458? Oh yeah…that’s right. Me.
Anthropologie is like the easy version of vintage and antique shopping. You already know it’s cute because it’s from Anthropologie (duh) and you don’t have to worry about the fact that it’s actually been used because it only appears to have been used. It costs a lot to look that cheap, ahem, I mean “vintage.”
Now if only I could stop making it my life’s goal to have a job that I’m okay with being miserable with so long as I can afford to buy everything in this godforsaken store because if anyone can make a flea market desirable, it’s the fake French masterminds behind Anthropologie.
So raise a $24 glass to Anthropologie, a reason why I’m single, but also, a reason why I want to be successful in life…so I can afford the finer things in life…that look like the not-so-finer things.