You Say “Nice” Like It’s A Bad Thing
For all the nice guys everywhere wondering why the hell they cant land a girl for more than a few dates, it’s time I let you in on a little secret. Who’s to blame? Nicholas Sparks. Well actually, more importantly, it’s one his monsters, The Notebook. Yeah, you know the movie you got guilted into watching (maybe for some of you it was more like bribed…) and then you just sat there bored out of your mind, while she recited every line, teary-eyed, asking you to tell her she’s a bird. Yeah. I’m barfing too. But really, it’s all The Notebook’s fault. The nice guy? He loses…even if he’s not a loser. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t win, it just means he loses first (and sometimes repeatedly).
Why? Well that’s simple. Because the girls are too busy consuming their time with the guys who know they could do better than them anyway. Thanks to lines like, “You tell me when I’m being an arrogant son of a bitch, and I tell you when you’re being a pain in the ass, which you are 99 percent of the time!”
Real fucked up shit like that? Yeah, we love it. Things that you’re mother raised you never to say but we’re secretly hoping you’ll just do it anyway because who really wants someone who censors themselves all the time, who will never just call us out of on our shit for once, because come on, you know that some days we’re just full of it.
Of course we’re into jerks. We may never admit it but they keep us on our toes and we convince ourselves that the few times the jerks spend treating us they way they should be treated mean more because they’re so rare compared to your nice-guy chivalry which never ends. We convince ourselves that it means more for the jerk to treat us well and that each time it’s worth the pain we go through to get it. We don’t really convince ourselves that we can change those guys because deep down what would be the fun in a changing a jerk? You’d lose all the things you like (but tell everyone you hate) most about him, like the borderline masochist mentality it takes to be a part of such a relationship. No girl will ever admit it, but it’s fun because The Notebook told us that fighting is just another way we prove how much we care about each other…even when it’s clear he doesn’t care about us at all. We convince ourselves that we’re growing from the fighting, that we’re learning to understand each other better even if in reality it just sets us off in a spiral of negativity.
Girls like the challenge. We like knowing that each day is going to be different than the last. It makes us sound sort of like Golden Retrievers but there’s definitely truth in it. We all say we want the nice guy, the one who opens our doors and tells us how beautiful we look even when we haven’t gotten our brows done in weeks but the truth of the matter is, there’s nothing more boring than someone who just feeds you compliments all day when you did nothing to deserve them. Who really wants the pressure of being put on a pedestal for no real reason other than simply existing? Maybe we joke around and say we do with our girlfriends when we’ve hit a relationship low with our current jerk, but the highs are what gets us through the lows and if you don’t have any highs or lows, what’s the fun in that?
Look, I’m not going around advocating semi-abusive, time-bomb relationships with blatant douchebags who take pride in using and abusing a girl because there’s a pretty obvious line when it comes to a guy who is just overall bad news but we have to be able to admit to ourselves that on some level, we all want a jerk. We want someone who isn’t afraid to tell us when we’re doing something we’re probably well aware that we’re doing.
It’s not ideal and of course no girl is going to tell a nice guy that it’s his fault, because really, she isn’t in the business of hurting someone’s feelings but then again I mean what girl would be like, “Yeah I really love assholes who treat their motorcycles better than they treat me” because that just makes her sound weak. So you’ve got this weird double standard where she doesn’t like you because she thinks you’re probably too weak to hold your own but she does like the jerk because at times he makes her feel weak (in a way that’s socially acceptable because he’s not being physically hurtful). But the thing is when a girl says to a nice guy that “its not them, it’s her” those girls are really telling the truth. There’s nothing wrong with being nice…except that most girls need to be treated like horribly before they realize that.