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No, Really Though, Bitches Be Crazy.

June 24, 2011

Some things you just know are going to be bad before you even experience them, like a date with a guy who has more Facebook profile pictures than you do – nothing good can come from that. Or like when you’re at the club and you know there’s a girl who’s about to cause a major scene and you know this because she’s usually missing her shoes, her purse, her friends and more likely than not, her dignity, and you think to yourself, “Shit, I better get a drink and a prime location to watch this hot mess because it’s about to go down.” And sure enough, the crazy girl gets her attention fix for the night.

You know those guys who are really, like genuinely, into crazy girls? Sometimes I feel like one of them because you see, I love crazy girls too. I mean, who doesn’t love a crazy girl? Save for the poor girl the crazy girl is about to pop off on, everyone wants to know what the crazy girl is going to do next. I see it, I mean, I finally get it, the appeal of the crazy girl, the irony in predicting that she’s going to be completely unpredictable. 

A few months ago, one of my guy friends told me he’s always liked the crazy bitches. He even asked me a question like, “Have you ever had to like bear hug a girl to get her to stop hitting you because you cant hit them back?” to which I responded with, “No, I mean, I don’t think so, what the fuck kind of girls are you hanging out with?” Apparently the kind that need to be introduced to a cocktail of various mood stabilizers…or maybe just a horse tranquilizer.

Maybe guys view crazy girls as the most basic form of an ego boost because these girls are literally crazy over them. But sometimes I wonder if any guy out there is actually great enough to go turn into a crazy girl for. There’s no way – no freakin’ way. I’m single for a reason, not that I don’t enjoy yelling at men in bars or anything, I just prefer not to do it all smeared-glitter-eyeshadow-wasted-face-wearing-a-shirt-that-somehow-in-the-course-of-the-night-got-turned-inside-out-and-I’m-not-sure-why-I’m-missing-one-of-my-shoes. Though I totally don’t mind watching such a spectacle go down, in fact, I’d probably buy that chick a drink and pick her crazy brain afterward. But when you finally get your eyes off her and turn to the man she’s yelling at and he’s always some greasy-haired, graphic tee-clad, guy who works out to overcompensate for his lack of intelligence…or a soul, and you cant help but say, “Really? You’re gonna cause this crazy scene over him? That guy? The one wearing dog tags?” 

I compare guys with crazy girlfriends to guys who own weirdly loyal dogs who freak out on the minute they’re in public but at home are as docile and sweet as can be. Never mind that those are traits of a crazy person, there’s something that makes these guys feel good about being the only person who can calm this girl down. And at the end of the day, they find it flattering that this girl is willing to cause a scene over them because they probably didn’t get enough love in their childhood and they never thought they could be the center of someone’s world, as twisted as that little demented world of hers is.

I used to wonder how guys could stand crazy girls. I mean I love them but only because it’s like going to circus and watching animals do things so degrading that you know it probably shouldn’t be legal but I’d never fall in love with a crazy girl. I don’t even like myself enough to hear someone scream/slur at a crowded nightclub “Why am I making a scene? WHY? Because you’re EVERYTHING! You’re fucking everything!” You know you’re with a crazy bitch when you realize she likes you more than you like yourself and that’s saying a lot because in case you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty fucking fond of myself.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. June 25, 2011 5:30 am

    I wonder if it’s fair to say guys are attracted to crazy girls any more than to say girls are attracted to assholes. But seriously you put a good question out there: What is it about guys who go gaga over the crazy girl? Or as I like to call them the hot mess.

    Maybe its the accessibility or the challenge. Or maybe the thought behind it is if she’s crazy and wild she must be better in bed. Or maybe youre right, it might have something to do with not getting enough love in their childhood.

    But in anycase the crazy girl is the girl you party with, not the girl you take home to mom, or marry. So maybe the crazy girl is what guys date when they think they want a relationship but subconsiously theyre not ready for one, and this one will obviously explode in the end.

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