Reason Why I’m Single #117 – My Bedtime Routine
Do you want to know single best part about being single? The fact that I get to be completely disgusted by my own personal grooming habits. I mean, honestly, being single is the greatest thing that ever happened to my hygiene. Really though, I’m more moisturized, deep-conditioned, exfoliated, and manicured than I have ever been in my life.
Collectively, I spend way more time than I’d like to publicly admit getting ready for bed than I ever did in a relationship. I wear more product on my face to bed than I do during the day, which I’m sure my peers don’t really appreciate. First, there’s the whole brushing your teeth thing, and then a little mouthwash just because I’m weird and I like to see how long I can take the intensity for. Then, of course, I wash my face, and depending on how tired I am, that may or may not involve using a various tools for preening designed by skincare corporations who prey on my vulnerabilities when it comes to my troublesome 20-something skin. Then there’s a topical treatment my dermatologist swears by for the sensitive skin around my eyes, and of course, follow up with a normal p.m. moisturizer. Top it off with the Proactive spot treatment for pimples that shouldn’t even be on my face to begin with, and a Tea Tree Oil lip balm, both of which, smell worse than they sound (which is saying a lot), but work wonders. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think to myself, It’s a good thing there’s no one to crawl into bed with to be absolutely repulsed by me right now.
It’s not that I enjoy being high-maintenance, it’s just that if I have the extra time on my hands to deep condition my hair, or slip my body-butter coated feet into socks before bedtime, then why not? I mean, let’s face it, there are certain traits of single life that are absolutely repulsive and yet so exceptionally wonderful. It’s a little vapid, but I’m not losing sight of the important things in life, I’m still acknowledging those things, I’m just doing it with freshly painted nails and a post-exfoliation glow.
It’s amazing all the disgusting things I do to appear more attractive…