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Reason Why I’m Single #122 – Twilight, the latest one

December 21, 2011

The reason why I want to see the latest Twilight movie that I tell people: Because I was dragged to the first few ones with diehard fans and now I just feel like I should finish what I accidentally started. The reason I actually want to see the latest Twilight movie? Taylor Lautner and his lack of clothing. Also, vampire sex. I just want to see how all that goes down.

Yeeaahhhh…I’m that girl. I’m not team anyone, much less Jacob or Edward, I am however, “Team Let’s See How Much Of This Movie You’re Going To Take Your Shirt Off In Lieu Of Actual Lines.” Come on, it’s fun!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to go all Twilight Mom on you, but come on, it is fascinating to begin comprehending the fascination behind these movies.

I’ve never read the books so I don’t really have any personal attachment to these relatively one dimensional characters who dress about as bland as their onscreen personas, that is, when they’re dressed at all. I cant get away with saying that I’m only watching the movie for the fashion, because clearly that’s not true. Cant justify it with saying I’m there for the special effects mostly because it’s just a lot jump cuts on one of three things, Edward’s creepy date rape eyes, Jacob’s cut abs, and Bella’s generally terrified and disgusted face. Cant justify it by saying that I love the soundtrack, because really nobody watching that genre of movie actually likes Muse that much. So I’m left with, I want to see how one would go about having sex with a vampire. And the sad part? It’s true. I’m unreasonably curious. And maybe I’m just really ignorant but before these movies I never knew that vampires live for, like, centuries. There’s nothing endearing about these movies whatsoever, except Anna Kendrick, who is just way too good for to even be a part of them.

Also, what is it exactly about these books/movies that all of these women can relate to? Seriously though! It’s about falling in love with a vampire…and then settling for a werewolf…and then marrying a vampire! In addition to being anything but realistic, am I the only one who is, like completely bothered by the fact the she has no aspirations to go to college or do anything after school except make this vampire marry her? Like, why do you go to school? And is Chemistry the only class you have? I just cant figure out what is so easy to relate to and connect with in these novels? Is it because all preteen girls secretly want a guy who pushes them away, who scares the crap out of them until they realize he’s just been misunderstood right before he’s impregnated them with his vampire spawn, before they even had a chance to live our own lives?  Is that it?

God, I hope not.

But it sounds about right. Either way, I’ll be redboxing it the day it comes out. A little red wine, a little vampire foreplay, and a bag of gummy bears sounds like a pretty good way to spend a Friday night if you ask me. Anybody care to join?

Annnd for funzies, just a few Twilight goodies:

Alex Reads Twilight, which is just so much better with an accent.

Kristen’s Twilight Faces, which all happen to look exactly alike.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. December 22, 2011 12:05 am

    in a very sick way, i feel like the entire series is just a perpetuation of the whole “fairy tale, prince riding in on a white horse” type deal that disney has shoved down every girls’ throat since the beginning of time. wow that makes me sound like a disney nazi, lol. maybe its more realistic in that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies, but yeah, its as absolutely and completely unrealistic, pathetic, and almost comical. and yes, i have read every book, and seen all the movies ;) and i still love every part of seeing jacob shirtless.

    • December 22, 2011 1:48 pm

      Ah yes, watching the movies and reading the books makes for a better and more informed decision!

  2. December 22, 2011 9:21 am

    OMG. Yes. I hate that Bella has no dreams or aspirations and that Edward is everything to her! And she gives up her whole life to be with him at 18. Really? Can we not do a little better than that?

  3. mayra permalink
    December 22, 2011 3:11 pm

    I love twilight. I dont think the movies do the books justice at all, but hey to each their own.

  4. January 3, 2012 8:08 pm

    women that have any sort of “fairy tale” fascination on these movies are usually pretty disappointed with REAL relationships (if they manage to find one). the whole series is horrid.

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