Let’s Take A Break From Misery…For A Little Bitterness
God, you know your life has taken a turn for the worst when you can find life meaning in a Rihanna song. No. But honestly. Let’s get out of this rut with a little good old fashioned boy bashing. It’s harmless really. And there’s nothing that can make you feel better about the current state of your love life (or lack thereof) than belittling those you want/love/hate the most. Healthy, right? Yeah. I think so too.
- Is it like inherent for men to throw their post-shower wet towels on the bed? Seriously, this is like a trend I’ve discovered that even my messy ass is sort of repulsed by.
- Also, what is with the whole apologizing when you have no idea what you have to be sorry for thing? Have we women instilled so much fear upon men that they feel the need to sprinkle “just in case” apologies?
- “I was just looking” is not the appropriate excuse for the blatant up-down at the waitress. Even if you refuse to at least try and hide your obviously primal need to keep your eyes peeled, be sure to cushion the blow with a reminder how great we’d look if we were as scantily dressed as our slutty waitress, or better yet, how we look better not dressed like a b-grade stripper. Just sayin’.
- When I ask you to pass me the blanket, I don’t mean wrap yourself all up in it and then offer me a pathetic sliver of said blanket. I mean, pass me the damn blanket. Please.
- If you’re my ex and we haven’t spoken in over a year, don’t text me at midnight on New Year’s Eve, and tell me to have a good year, when you chose not to be a part of the last one.
- I don’t care if yall are still good friends, she’s your ex and regardless of how nice we are to one another, I’ll never truly like her. I may not hate her. But I will never like her. Sorry. Those are just the rules.
- That shampoo in the pink bottle? That’s my expensive stuff. Yours is the drugstore brand I quickly got at the grocery store because I knew you were coming over. So just to recap—yours: white and bland looking, mine: pink and off limits.
- The gas station is not an appropriate place to buy a birthday gift.
- Don’t think it’s ever a good idea to sugarcoat something. You’re not good at it.
- Believe it or not, most times I say I’m cool with you doing the whole guys’ night thing, I actually mean I’m cool with you doing the whole guys’ night thing. Crazy, right?
Damn. It feels good to get back to my man-hating roots. Not to mention, it feels a lot better to complain when I know I’ve got someone to complain to. Especially because I actually surprised myself with how little complaints I ended up having, most of which have sort of racked up from exes over the years and don’t even necessarily apply to my life right this instant. What do you hate/are most annoyed by in the opposite/same sex?